Sep
23
Your Concern:
Dear Jerry,
My biological clock is telling me it’s time to start a family (I’m 35) but my partner keeps saying he is not ready. We are both in good jobs so we have the accumulated resources to finance time spent in child-rearing. Should I just get pregnant without telling him and claim it’s an ‘accident’ or keep insisting. Time is running out. What do I do?
Jerry’s Response:
The first thing that comes to mind as I read about your concern is the question of whether your partner wants to have a child with you, but is just worried about something (finances, his ability to be a good father, etc) or if your partner doesn’t want to have kids at all. If your partner doesn’t want to have kids at all and you really do want kids, then I would suggest finding this out and then packing your bags. On the other hand, if your partner is worried about what kind of dad he will be, whether his job will be secure enough for him to help pay for another mouth to feed or similar concerns, then these are things that the two of you can sit down together and discuss. It seems that the big issue at the moment is what he really wants and you won’t know what he wants, if you don’t sit down and have a serious talk. Sit him down and get some answers that you are satisfied with. As far as getting pregnant and claiming it is an “accident”, do you want a relationship with your partner that is built on such deception? Do you want to bring a child into the world who may not be wanted by its father? You need to have a serious discussion with your partner and if you can’t seem to get the answers you need from him, maybe the two of you could visit a counsellor.
I hope you have the chance to be a mother with a partner who shares your excitement for parenthood.
