I want to spice up my sex life, but my wife is satisfied

Your Concern:

Dear Jerry,

I have been happily married for many years and my wife and I are deeply in love. We still find each other “sexy” and have a relatively good sex life – if somewhat routine. I was a bit wild when younger and had many quite outrageous sexual experiences before settling down with my wife. I would like to spice up love life but my wife says that I satisfy her with how I “perform” now and she doesn’t need anything more. I would like more! I have fantasies about anal sex with my wife or about my wife and I inviting one of her friends to join us for a threesome (my wife has some very sexy friends). How do I reconcile my wife’s contentment with my restlessness (sexually). I am happy with our marriage and would never be unfaithful to my wife (even in my fantasies my wife has to OK me being with another woman). Help me!

[Anon]

Jerry’s Response:

You sound like a very loving and thoughtful husband, who has sought to meet his wife’s needs and who is trying to balance his own desires with what is best for his relationship. Your desire for “more” is very normal – many men find themselves in the same situation, when they are within a loving and happy relationship.

When you mention more, though, I notice that you mention having more within your relationship with your wife (wanting anal sex) and that you also mention having more which involves other sexual partners. If you want more with your wife, I would recommend approaching her with these needs. Whether you do this by sitting down with her and telling her your desires or perhaps you plan a romantic getaway where you introduce new ideas for your sex life,  you should find a way to share with her the things you want sexually. Your wife is satisfied and you should feel that you are able to share with her the things that will make you more satisified too.

The other matter of possibly introducing more partners into your sex life with your wife is more complex. Some couples can set aside jealous emotions and experience such, but many relationships cannot survive sharing intimacy with others. You have to ask yourself if having these additional partners is worth the risk of losing your wife. If you answer “yes”, you have the option of introducing this idea to your wife. If you answer “no”, perhaps this is something that will need to remain a fantasy.

Always cherish what you have and consider the consequences, before you go searching for new excitement.

Jerry