I want to have kids but my partner doesn’t

Your Concern:

Dear Jerry

I want to have kids but my partner doesn’t. When we were dating he said that he wanted a family but now he refuses to even consider the idea. We have been together five years and if he doesn’t want kids I think I should start looking for another man. What do you think?

Susan

Jerry’s Response:

Whether or not you should leave him to look for another partner depends on whether being with him or having a child is more important to you. I would first try to ascertain why he doesn’t want a child now, when he said that he did before. Has something changed in his life to make him not want a child now, or did he never really want one, but simply said he did because this is what he thought you wanted to hear? I would share my confusion about his change of heart and if he wants to discuss this with you, great. If he is unable to discuss this with you, perhaps getting couples counseling would help. In the end, if you feel that he doesn’t really want a child, there is no sense in trying to change his mind. Being a parent is one of the most rewarding things in the world. but also one of the most challenging. Trying to push fatherhood on someone who doesn’t want it is not only not fair to the potential father, but it is very unfair to any children who are born from such circumstances (and in the long-term, not very good for you, either). If you truly want a child, you will have to make a choice between your current partner and being a parent. What choice does your heart tell you would be right for you?

I wish you the determination to make the choice that is best for you and the peace to live with your decision.

Jerry