Sep
21
Your Concern:
I have a problem. My first wife and I had 4 kids and 3 miscarriages. After we had our final child – all boys – we decided that we would not try for anymore. My wife did not want to have surgery so I agreed to have a vasectomy. At the time this was not a problem as I was happily married and planned to stay that way. Turns out my wife had other ideas and a couple of years later started to have an affair which eventually lead to her taking the kids and moving out. I took some time to recover from this but have now met a wonderful new lady and we have been together for about a year and a half. She is younger than I am and has started to talk about having a family of our own – she has no children but wants 2 or 3. The problem is my vasectomy – she does not know I have had the “snip” and I am afraid to tell her after all this time. What should I do??
Jerry’s Response:
The first question I had as I read your question – and most likely the first question your partner will have – is “Why didn’t you tell her before now about your vasectomy?” My guess is that she is going to be quite upset not only that you have had this procedure, but that you haven’t told her about it already. Most couples discuss during dating whether or not they want children. You have no real choice but to tell her and you really should do so as soon as possible. You also need to consider whether you would want to try for a reversal of your vasectomy, whether you want more kids, etc. The first issue, though, is to tell her and see how she copes with this news. Your keeping this information from your partner could create serious trust issues and even if she seems willing to forgive and stay together, I would make sure that the two of you have dealt with any resentment over this, before thinking of the possibility of a reversal of your vasectomy and having kids together. She has every right to be upset and if you want to stay with her, you are going to have to deal with whatever emotional damage your keeping this information from her will cause.
