Jerry,

I recently got sick and was afraid that I would die. I was terrified. I was also shocked that my wife didn’t seem more concerned. She told me that she cared, but I couldn’t believe it because I didn’t see her crying. She says that she was trying to be positive and strong for me but I don’t know what to believe. How can I be sure that the woman I married really loves me?

Thanks,

David

Jerry’s Response:

David,

People react to fear in different ways. Some people become more emotional, some people shut down emotionally, some people look for ways to distract themselves, etc. It is impossible for me to tell you if your wife loves you, or even of a way to prove her love to you. I would say, though, that she deserves to know of your doubts. If she no longer loves you, this would give you the chance to approach her with your feelings and get a response. If she loves you, but was in a state of shock during your illness, this gives her a chance to declare her continuing love to you. In the end, not knowing can be the worst thing. If you have had a loving relationship, don’t you think she deserves the chance to speak for herself? The only way you will ever have any peace about your question is to approach her directly.

If communication attempts fail, or you are still unsure, it might be a good idea to see if your wife will go to therapy with you. Having the chance to talk openly, with someone trained to help couples through issues like this, could be invaluable.

I wish you and your wife all the happiness you deserve.

Jerry